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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A story for your enjoyment. I don't mean to offend. Please critique as intensely as you want. I need feedback to make my writing better. I enjoy compliments, but along with them, PLEASE tell me what you didn't like. I won't take offense. Period.

3 Bitches and an Arrogant Bastard

So my buddy and I grab a twelve pack, some grouting tools and materials, and off towards the house for a productive Friday night of honey do's yet to be done... After about 3 hours of grouting, a half pack of smokes, and a few Arrogant Bastard Ale's later, we're done with the grouting. Buddy decides to start on some reports for work. I'm thinking it's going to take him roughly 15 minutes. Little did I know, in order for these reports to keep him from getting locked up, they need to be very detailed... Needless to say, this ADHD kit, high in nicotine and alcohol is getting bored. We're sitting in his backyard on the backdoor steps and his 3 little puppies are milling around our feet, each doing her dambdest to monopolize my time, for his attention is cuddling his applie ibook as only two couples intricately entwined in a love ritual should be.

Rook, a healer lab mix (Leaber), the ADD one of the bunch keeps trying to crawl into my lap and lick my lips. I guess she likes the Arrogant Bastard. The new 15 month old puppy, Mela - a husky-lab-healer mix (a huskaber), tries to lick the bottle every time Rook makes her move. The last little puppy, Dio, a beagle-greyhound mix (who thought of that one?), is fighting for my attention with Rook, and allowing ample opportunity for Mela to make her moves towards joining in with the party. Eventually Rook gets bored with constantly having to fight to get in between my legs to lick my face and finds a tennis ball with which to amuse herself.

Mela decides Rook shouldn't have the tennis ball, and they go off to establish a female age differentiated hierarchy (Rook is older, but plays well with the wee-one, which will soon not be so wee anymore). Ah, finally, some peace. But there's Dio. Never mind. I never thought I wouldn't want a females attention, but then I forgot the sorority girls...

Dio finds it most appealing to open-mouth kiss me. Picture if you will, a fairly inebriated buck fifty, 5'11' athletic male exhaling smoke/beer/pizza breath with his mouth as wide as it will go, and letting Dio, the little mutt try and lick the inside of his mouth. This is equivalent to "open-mouth" kissing a dog, cause on youtube video, it looks about the same. Or rather, it looks like what open-mouth kissing a dog would look like, if it were video taped and put on youtube... That buck fifty, 5'11' athletic male would be me...

I have a smoke in one hand, a 22oz beer in the other, and a female mutt between my legs that can't stop trying to kiss me on the face... hummm.. Rook and Mela get tired of their hierarchy establishment and leave it for another time. Rook brings me the tennis ball and tries to get me to play with her. Mela goes straight for the beer bottle. In between Dio trying to kiss me, Mela trying to steal my beer, and Rook trying to give me her ball, I decide enough is enough. I snatch Rook's ball away from her and toss it away into the yard, hoping that the dark would obscure it she would be looking for it for hours. I didn't recon in her sense of smell. I pour some of the beer out on the ground for Mela so I can secure my bottle neck against doggy germs, and I put Dio in a headlock. well, it's more like a knee lock. She happy sits down and looks at me with her wet little puppy dog eyes. Much like an insecure sorority girl would after one too many beers, and two too many joints.

Mela decides she definitely likes Arrogant Bastard, but she doesn't like the carbonation in the beer. So she sits on her little towel until the bubbles stop appearing, and then licks up all the beer. Smart little bitch. No offense intended. Before too long Rook is back with her ball. I throw it again, and she's after it like Mela after Arrogant Bastard, or Dio after my mouth. Mela decides she must chase Rook, because she has no hopes of getting to the ball before Rook. Dio wrestles with my knees and tries to get at my face. This cycle repeats about 50 times. Each times Mela finishes another round her coordination with the Rook onslaught diminishes. Apparently she doesn't know her limit. Well, there's only one way to figure that one out. She runs into the fence, into the posts. She trips over her puppy feet, which she was dong before she got drunk. She looks at the world with her head tilted this way and that. She chases and tails and then falls "thump" onto the concrete pad covered by her towel.

I've never seen a dog dance with the air while on it's back (not pawing and playing with the air like sober, straight dogs do), but she pulled a few moves I wouldn't mind seeing from my lady a little more often in the bedroom. Rook only has balls on her mind. Dio can't stay away from me. I have three bitches enthralled with me for one reason or another, I can't keep my balls away from them, and the alchy can't get enough. I can't remember walking through a doorway bedecked with Greek letters...
 

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You better hope RSPCA doesn't get a hold of this story Spooph!!! Giving dogs Alcohol and then teaching them that beastiality might not be a bad thing to look into later on down the track!!! lol, I'm just kidding!!

Great story Spooph, Can't wait for the story where you go back to them again, cause I know you can't stay away from girls who can't get enough of you!!! I can't!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks guys, and no Hi-tech, this isn't an every weekend thing... They're usually not dogs... :p
 

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So spooph, is it true that a dogs mouth is cleaner that ours? Ya know that they can lick things we can't... HAHA! JK!! Sorry I had to go there.
 

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awesome story spooph!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Red Dragon, haha, not sure man. I didn't exactly taste anything, and if i did, the arrogant bastard took care of that! That is some bitter stuff. I think I'll stick to stouts from now on... :p

And thanks guys! I love this place better than my family...
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I have no idea... Currently I'm up to elbows in computers needing some fixin's and too many personal projects to even think about taking a day off... :p Maybe next year around late March or April... But I really don't know... You can bet your ass I'm going to wait till you're healed though! And have your confidence back, etc, etc, so you can teach me a few thins... :p
 
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