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182 Ways to Drop Your Bike (Long Read)

6198 Views 22 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  Rufio, 
J
1. Putting your foot into a hole when stopping.
2. Putting your foot down on something slippery when stopping (gravel, dog shit etc).
3. Locking the front wheel during overenthusiastic braking.
4. Missing the driveway and sliding on the grass.
5. Not putting the kickstand down when getting off.
6. Make a turn from stop in gravel or sand at high throttle.
7. Not putting a board under the kickstand on asphalt on a hot day.
8. Letting overenthusiastic people sit on your bike who have never been on a bike.
9. Missing the driveway and sliding on the grass.
10. Riding on wet grass with street tires (Almost as bad as ice!!)
11. Riding on wet asphalt with dirt tires (Almost as bad as ice!!)
12. *Thinking* the kick stand was down when it wasn't
13. Kick stand slowly burying itself in hot asphalt
14. Kick stand slowly burying itself in soft ground
15. Backing up perpindicular to a steeply sloped driveway and attempting to put your foot down on the downhill side while on a large bike with a high seat. (By the time your foot reaches the ground the bike is so far off center balance you won't be able to hold it up.)
16. Backing your bike down a plank, by yourself, from the bed of a pickup truck. Works great as long as you remember that once you start moving stopping for any correction is out of the question. Get two people to stand on each side of you and the bike.
17. Losing your balance when coming to a stop because of fatigue from a long trip. The wind and the buzz of the bike induces an unexpected case of vertigo. Stop often and rest.
18. Riding beyond your limits while trying to keep up with someone who is probably riding beyond their own. Always a temptation. The best riders/racers understand and use discipline when riding.
19. Not paying attention. Always strive to anticipate what could possibly go wrong and be planning what your going to do when it happens, eventually it will - and you'll be ready, instead of surprised when your much more likely to do something stupid and reactionary.
20. Assuming that all wet roads are created equal. They are much more slippery when it first starts to rain - until the oil and dirt are washed away.
21. Assuming that the condition of a blind corner is the same as it was the last time you rode it. Instead you find sticks, road kill, oil, rain wash, stones, pot holes, garbage etc. etc.
22. Not understanding how to get set-up for a corner when pushing the limits. In most cases the bike could have made the corner but the rider decided it couldn't and while in a panic attempted to correct the situation with the brake. WRONG! MSF course will discuss this at length.
23. Riding without all of the protective equipment because I forgot to bring it and after all it was just this one time. Turned out to be the wrong time! I forgot my MX boots and fell on a steeply banked corner and the foot peg attempted to drill into the back of my right calf. On crutches for 3 weeks with a deep bruise.
24. Placing your foot on a treebranch which rolled like a rollerskate.
25. Forgetting the bike's in gear when you jump on the kickstarter.
26. Revving the enging, releasing clutch, and putting feet on pegs when the light turns green, but the bike's in neutral.
27. Not putting your foot down when stopping on red light.
28. Parking the bike without realizing how much of a downgrade you're on.
29. Doing a U-Turn on a steep hill and leaning inside too much (originially going uphill).
30. Putting the kickstand down only partway when getting off the bike (I guess this could be under #5)
31. Taking off with the disc lock still on, racking oneself so badly that the rider could no longer hold up the bike. Ouch.
32. Running into a bus after a 120mph+ high speed chase where there is helicopter pursuit and you are being taped by 5 local news stations.
33. Parking your bike so that it stands upright w/the kick stand down and then having a slow leak in the rear tire which causes the kick stand to push the bike over (long story).
34. Revving bike in impressive squidly fashion at red light, thinking it's in neutral; dropping clutch and standing in place while bike wheelies and backflips into intersection. (saw it happen)
35. Trying to kickstart your first bike over and over 'cause you didn't realize that it was really out of fuel, and getting the goofy metal ring on the side of your boot caught in the kickstarter, causing you (and the bike) to go over on the right side.
36. Losing balance when putting it on the centerstand.
37. Wife gets foot caught in saddlebag while getting on before you.
38. Rebuild carbs and treat bike like it still needs full gas away from a stop.
39. Add bald tires, and a smattering of rain to 12.
40. Look at the sand at the edge of the exit ramp rather than through the turn.
41. Neither you nor your dad watching while he's backing his car up to the woodpile to unload wood.
42. Not putting the pin that holds the center stand all the way in and then trying to put the bike on the center stand.
43. Trying to hold the bike upright before deploying the center stand only to find your knees are too weak from riding.
44. Park behind friend's mom's minivan figuring "If anybody goes anywhere, they'll surely see it. 'specially since there'll be 5 of them getting into the van. Why can't at LEAST ONE OF THEM LOOK AND SEE THE MOTORCYCLE SO PLAINLY IN VIEW BEHIND THEM?" "Damn."
45. After getting fuel at gas station and holding the bike level with your legs in order to fill it completely, jumping off forgetting that your legs were holding it upright not the kickstand.
46. Entering a DR ("decreasing radius") turn at too high of a speed... This is especially dangerous when making a right turn where if you attempt to straighten up and brake, you'll plow into oncoming traffic...
47. Getting your boot/ shoelace caught on the gearshift. (I wear laceless boots now).
48. Trying to countersteer (or wheelie) your shaft dirven bike? ;-}
49. Take an hour ride in 30 degree weather with no gloves, stop at a stop sign and pop the clutch when you start cause you've lost feeling in your hands.
50. Getting pissed off for dropping it in the first place, yanking it vigorously off the ground, only to have it dropped on the _other_ side. doh!
51. Putting your foot down at a toll booth on the thick layer of grease that builds up when cars stop.
52. Using too much power when you pull out of a greasy toll booth.
53. Ignoring the sand that builds up in the spring at the side of the road in places that sand and salt roads in winter.(my wife dumped her bike at the end of our driveway last week)
54. Kicking your kickstand in a cool fashion and having it bounce back up instead of staying down.
55. Getting off your bike while it is running and forgetting that is in gear. (should have seen my wife do this one)
56. Having your fat-ass brother (as a pillion) lean waaay over to the side to look at something on the ground while at a stop sign.
57. Being to short for the bike you are riding, and comming to a stop sign.
58. Your rider hops on before you are ready.
59. Pulling out the swingarm stand, and forgetting to put the sidestand down first.
60. Backing down an inclined driveway, turning to either side with a full tank of gas.
61. Taking the bike off the centerstand and forgetting the sidestand.
62. Using a little too much power turning the first corner after you've put on new tyres (with that nice slippery release compound on them).
63. Trying to start out in a quick turn (leaning in anticipation of giving it throttle) and stalling it out because the engine hasn't warmed yet - it's a nice, slow drop...
64. Reaching down to pick up your gloves/keys/glasses.
65. Paying too much attention to the tiltometer on your valkarie
66. Forgetting to put your feet down.
67. Unbolting too many components from the back so that the bike falls off the jack.
68. Having an internally rusted CX500 centre stand come apart whilst putting the bike onto it.
69. Attempting to kick start a cantankerous '84 CR500, whilst standing on a picnic table bench, and she *kicks* back!
70. While pushing your bike in an attempt to start it by compression, jumping on side-saddle with excessive vigor.
71. Deploying the centre-stand without noticing that the ground falls away on the other side.
72. Successfully compression starting your bike while running alongside, only to find out that you'd held a BIT too much throttle!
73. Pushing your bike into the garage and letting it get leaned just a little away from you, pulling you on top of it to the ground.
74. Getting help from a neighbor in pushing your 750 up a steep ramp into a moving truck. Though he might assure you that he used to ride a motorcycle, it turns out it was a 125 in Bombay. He gets 2/3 of the way up the ramp, looks panicked, and his knees buckle. Crunch.
75. Discovering when you stop and try to put your foot down that the kickstart lever is up your pantleg.
76. Starting your brand-new electric-start trail-bike, riding around an ornamental shrub on full left lock, throwing it to the right and accelerating to wheelie over the kerb onto the street and _then_ discovering that you hadn't unlocked the steering-lock...
77. On same bike, getting the dual-range lever caught inside your jeans as you come to a stop...
78. Having your boot/jeans catch the gear-lever and putting your running bike into first gear whilst reaching for the side-stand (which is why I now automatically pull in the clutch whenever deploying or retracting the stand).
79. Having "green" racing linings which have much higher coefficient of friction on the slight rust that forms on the polished drum when you've not ridden for a few hours, and lose the front-end holding the brakes on against the throttle to wear off the rust, with your brother on the back...
80. Having a three-cylinder two-stroke that's so smooth you think you're in second when you're actually in first, so you spin out when the undercarriage touches down in a tight corner passing a car and you think, "just a bit more throttle will help here..."
81. Bopping down the freshly-oiled farm lane to see the neighbor kid with my brother on the back, cautiously toeing the rear brake, feeling the rear wheel slide as we headed straight for the barn, grabbing a panicky handful of front brake, doing a slow highside despite dabbing mightily, sliding right up to the barn door prone on the well-oiled bike with my brother on top of the pile, and hearing the neighbor say "Didn't that thing used to be orange?"
82. Pushing it over.
83. Covering it with a windsail (aka canvas cover) and letting the wind push it over.
84. Taking the wife on a ride on your brand new, first bike in 20+ years and making a slow, tight, turn on gravel....
85. Riding in stilettos and getting stuck on the footrest
86. Swinging your legs too enthusiastically over the bike with tight trousers on and kicking it over
87. Dismounting while trying not to wet yourself (cold weather..tuh!)
88. Riding short distances side-saddle fashion
89. Pulling off with a blood alcohol level exceeding the stated limit...
90. Spending 3 hours washing and waxing your bike and then stepping back to admire it with some buddies and then watch it fall right off its side stand while it was warming up.
91. Trying to get a wasp out of your jacket while sitting on the bike, got stung twice before the bike fell.
92. (related) Dropping your dirtbike on the side of a steep hill covered in pine humus, then while getting it righted go over the down side because it's too far of an angle to get a foot down.
93. Trying to ride away on the side of a steep hill covered in pine humus which is slipperier than sand.
94. Falling asleep.
95. Looking at the pweety curb to your left on a right-hand bank.
96. Oh, I remember another one... taking off fast into a turn with new-unscrubbed tires!
97. Wacking the throttle open on the highway when you think there's no cop around then slowing to normal speed again only to realize that a tropper has been trying to catch up with you for two miles and he's pissed so he decides to run you off the road because he thinks you were tryin to run away from him, even though you explain to him that if you were trying to run that he wouldn't have caught you then getting out of any tickets because the *@!!$#, uh I mean cop, felt bad even though he never said "I'm sorry" . . . .but I'm not bitter
98. Turning onto a busy street and in the middle of the turn you suddenly remember that this street has trolley tracks. So you look to your left to see how close you are to the tracks, you spot the tracks and of course now you are headed directly at them. Your front wheel fits nicely into the dug-out asphalt around the track and your front wheel jerks to the right as it goes into the dug-out while your body continues going straight.
99. Pull into parking and failed to ensure proper extension of the sidestand....concluding then with near perfect execution of the Laugh-in scene where the bike topples over onto your leg, and your going down, pinned beneath.
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J
100. Starting bike while habitually squeezing clutch lever,standing to the left of the bike, remembering too late that the bike is in gear. Realize too late that the choke gives the bike enough power to drag you 30' across the parking lot in first gear...
101. Let your buddy ride it. And if you are really stupid let him ride it again.
102. On your third ride with your first ever bike. Stop at a red light. When the light turns green, you have to start uphill, and turn right at the same time. Somehow that overwhelmed me. I was probably "thinking" too much and just dropped it. Did a lot of uphill practicing after that!!
103. Parking on a bit of an incline (slopes down right to left), having your left foot slip a little when getting back on the bike, and slowly loosing your balance. (actually, may not have been slowly, might have been on of those "time slows down" moments)
104. Put armor all on your tires to make them look nice and pretty and then ride on the white safety lane line as you take a HARD right turn at 35mph.
105. Sit on your bike and lean down to check the oil through the oil sight glass.
106. In a big biker meet with about 500 spectators, decide to show off and burn some rubber when you have never tried it before. Was truly a spectacular rubber burning even though the whole bike catched fire after landing and rolling on the track.
107. Giving yer RD-350 a half-hearted kick, having it kick back and start BACKWARDS, hammering the gas and dumping the clutch in the bank parking lot nearly removing yer testicles with the flip-top gas cap. (aren't 2-strokes neat?)
108. Having yer 400 Husky bog down climbing a steep hill, cough and start running BACKWARDS! (See? I told ya they were neat!)
109. Having yer open class Husky Automatic shift just as your front tire launches off the hill you are jumping.
110. Getting un-planned traction in the middle of a power-slide and wheelieing into the corner of a brick building.
111. Coming to a stop in the exact spot where a car has lost its transmission fluid. No traction for my feet and I fell straight over. Scuffed highway bar, bent handlebar and rear turn signal stalk, serious divot in helmet from asphalt, and bruise on shoulder. Ruined my day.
112. Turning from a paved road onto a gravel one, during your first ride, on your friends motor scooter.
113. Sitting cool on my new bike before my girlfirends parents asking the girl to come for a ride. But the kickstarter had sneaked into the leg of my trousers and when I tried to shift my weight onto that leg it was a nice sloooow fall. Didn't impress the parents however.
114. Staring at the blonde's pretty behind walking into the restaurant as you are motoring slowly into the parking lot, then turning just in time to see a set of back-up lights go on, panicking, and grabbing a handful of front brakes on an oil patch.
115. Getting off the front brake just ever so slightly too late when turning into the strip mall entrance while staring at the little patch of gravel until you hit it and shoot the front tire out.
116. Trying the flapvalve for the first time on a gravel road leaning too much left, doing a beautiful 270 and busting into neighbour's strawberry field.
117. Starting your electric start KZ in the parking lot after work *before* actually getting on the bike, while all the other bikers are starting their bikes up, in the days before clutch/starter interlocks...in gear.
118. Riding in park with buddy on bike and he calls for a pass from people playing (American) football and he decides to actually try and catch it. Worst of all he didn't hold on to the ball.
119. Doing power-slides in the sand on a GS850. Wet wooden bridges, especially ones with train tracks will finish the job.
120. Get a wasp in your helmet while doing 90!
121. Turning right round a corner. Lose it on a damp painted arrow on road. Come off the arrow sideways leaning right, wheels get traction, get flung left in the direction I wanted to go.
122. Pull up on pavement. Put right foot down as you come to a stop... realise that your foot is over the kerb in the road and by the time your foot touches ground there is now way back. Topple over into a red, embarrassed heap.
123. Riding slowly at a very acute angle to maintain a straight line in a very strong cross wind; then driving into a tunnel at the same angle and almost immediately lay it down, unable to hold it up. Roll on floor laughing hysterically...
124. Slow down, signal, wheel that way-loaded-down GL1000 onto the shoulder, only to find out that what looked like solid ground is really foot-deep muck, and you're now plowing it with a two-wheeled tractor.
125. Finding out at 75mph that "road work ahead" means a fresh coat of oil and 2 inches of pea gravel. Fucking "high altitude" paving shit.
126. Kid on the sidewalk with a skateboard which he lost control of. Said board shot into the street, front wheel went up onto board, I ended up face down in the middle of the street. Busted the windscreen, my pride and the kid was scared sh__less.
127. Lane-splitting in California (therefore legal) at 10 mph in stop & creep traffic, on your JUST-FINISHED project, an '88 HD FXLR in Candy Plum, with LOTS OF BRAND NEW CHROME, when a passenger in a van decides to stop your progress by opening his door in your path, but apparently doesn't realize that you will not be able to just *stop*. You are still straddling the bike after it plows into the door, goes over and is lying on the pavement. Your pelvis is now broken. So is your bike.
128. On Rd 250 outside college on gravel driveway, bike wont pull off without lots of throttle due to dodgy plugs. Giving bike required throttle, back tyre falls into pothole, bike spins sideways and hits college wall, proceeds to carry on vertically up the wall and throws me off the back. Result bike with bent forks and me with bruised back and ego as half of the college came outside to see what the noise was.
129. "Bump" starting an old Suzuki X6 (it wasn't old at the time) at 3am in a supermarket parking lot. Dragging beside the bike across the entire parking lot, landing in a pile in the dirt when the pavement ended. Wore out the tops of my shoes. My friends who witnessed this are still laughing!
130. Being surprised by black ice.
131. Being surprised by the fact that the frost on your front tire makes it slippery.
132. Put your kid on the bike with one arm (while you are holding the bike upright with the other arm) to see if his feet reach the footpegs (which would mean he is big enough to ride pillion). Suddenly notice that said kid has gotten much bigger and heavier since the last time you tried this. Feel the bike lean away from you and watch the kid's look of surprise as the bike goes gracefully over with both of you. (Neither bike nor kid is dented).
133. Roll up to a stop light on your Kawasaki Police Special with the dfollowing sequence of events planned: 1) Activate right turn indicator 2) Pull up to a snappy stop in the right lane 3) With both feet still on the pegs, lean bike slightly to the right 4) Apply power 5) Turn right 6) Impress your friends who happen to be standing at the corner. To your dismay, find that step 4 is actually "engine coughs and dies" and step 5 is "drop bike on right side, feet still on pegs". Step 6 stays the same.
134. While sitting on your bike, waiting for your friend to come out of his house to go for a nice summer ride, decide that you need to tighten those laces on your boots. Since you are parked in neutral, engine off, on flat ground, with the sidestand down, decide to put *both* feet up on the seat to tighten the laces, thereby removing the need to dismount. While tightening up one set of laces, with both hands, you notice that the bike is starting to roll forward, then crashes to the left. You intelligently notice that the ground was not as flat as you thought it was. Your friend is impressed.
135. Riding any Ducati and expecting the sidestand to act in a predictable manner! (The Ducati has a sidestand that springs up automatically)
136. When trying to stand up your bike and slipping over on the spilt petrol from the breather tube, managed this three times.
137. Going along inner ring road (2 lanes), left lane I was in slowed, no mirrors on, looked behind to see if right lane clear, looked forward and traffic had stopped. About to collide with the car in front, yanked handlebars to right, so hard the bike just fell (on the left hand side, never understood why!). Bizarre thing was, indicator intact but glass in clocks broken...
138. Riding along on sunny evening, had rained all day. Went to the video shop, with younger brother on pillion. Sun in my eyes (my excuse!!), car stopped in front, ran into the back. Normal so far... The seat on the bike was not fastened down at all, I shot forward then dropped back down and fell to the right, brother fell off STILL SITTING ON SEAT!!
139. Does anyone else always fall with one or other of their feet trapped under the bike? I do, normally the left, no idea why!
140. Fire up cold bike, Michelin Pilot race rubber, at 0 degrees C, leave driveway and head for 4-way stop intersection 20 feet away. Stop at intersection at a slight angle, then whack open throttle, completely forgetting the hard platic-like qualities of tires when cold. 270 degree counter-clockwise "break dance" with bike on top of you in middle of busy intersection guaranteed to entertain many, or your money back.
141. Making a left hand turn on to a four lane road with center turn lane and not seeing the 90's camaro pull right in front of you after you gun it to the center lane and stick your front fender in her rear plastic bumper and fly over their car into oncoming traffic. All done with motorcycle cop onlooking and ticket in hand.
142. After waiting your turn at the gas pump to refuel with both feet on the ground . You give it a shot you lurch forward grab the front brake only - to stop you in front of the pump. The resulting pogo action will put her on the ground if you are not paying attention.
143. Finally got home at 3am in one piece after 5hrs towing my new CBR900RR on a rented trailor, realizing the bouncy trip has put up the kick stand AFTER cutting the last of the cargo straps which were not releasing.
144. I was looking at the hill and picking a good place to ride to the top when I eased the FZR1000 (fully packed with camping equipment) off of the pavement. The bike sank over the axles in the thickest, goo you ever saw! It couldn't even fall over, the goo just held it in place! It wouldn't go backward, but would make some forward progress with the rear wheel spinning like crazy. We (my wife helped after she stopped laughing) worked about 30 minutes getting the thing turned around 180 degrees in the mud, then got it back onto the pavement. There was no water available, so I rode the bike into Steamboat Springs Colorado with about 50 lbs. of mud stuck to me and the bike. It took about an hour at the car wash to get us both clean.
145. As a motor officer, my partner and I had a standing order between us, that the first person to put his foot down at a red light or stop sign had to buy coffee that morning. Well, the light took an exceptionally long time, and I could only creep forward an inch at a time so far or I'd be in the middle of the intersection. My carb's filled, the engine died, and I fell. Mind you, this is the busiest intersection of our jurisdiction and was filled with morning commuters. It's amazing how fast you can pick up a 750 pound Kawasaki when you need to. Needless to say, I bought coffee for a week or two.
146. Pop the clutch the first time riding a manual shift dirtbike, only to have the handlebars turn left in the middle of the incurring wheelie, coming out of the wheelie just in time to realize that you in fact did pop a wheelie, but the handlebars are still turned, flying into a 270 and sraight into an entire row of fully chopped and tricked out touring harleys in fron t of the bar.
147. Leave your bike parked in the company car park, and have someone try and park their car in the same space. They saw it _just_ as they nudged the rear wheel....and over it went.
148. Try to kickstart your 500 AJS in the middle of the road. As she kicks back, the kickstand bounces back up (thanks to a tight spring) and without realising what had happened you try kickstarting again (without success) and the bike falls down, slowly because you still try to hang on to it with your right hand...
149. When coming back to courtyard (from your second "driving lesson") and turning tight to the right on a soft sand hit the front brake. The bike falls down while your boyfriends mother screams her head off watching you fall. From that moment on she will do her best to convince you to give up motorcycling. Get that silly idea of your head.
150. Your friend invites you to go riding with him. He loans you one his bikes that is 17 years old and has the original tires still on it. You know the tires are very hard but you try to ride with caution. All of a sudden the rear wheel slides out toward the right, you get off the brakes long enough to get the bike back up under you, then pick a spot between the trees. You bail off the bike, hit trees , rocks, etc., bust your helmet against a rock, rip your groin muscle completely off, bust the nut sack against a rock, tear up his motorcycle. After all you have to buy the bike from him!
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J
151. Loaded bike on pickup and tiedowns arn't tight enough and pulled away.
152. Riding on a long straight on your RGV250 at around 90MPH. Rapidly come up to a bus, slow down a little and then power up to go round the bus as the road is clear. Get half way passed the bus as the bike decides to run out of petrol. The bus then starts going round the corner and you hit the side of it. Bounce off and career across the road, over the pavement and into the potato field on the other side. Bike bogs down in the mud and flips you over the handlebars. Then the bike falls over.
153. Start bike in neutral. Pull in clutch. Put in gear. Turn handlebars slightly to right. Let out clutch. Bike lurches forward and dies. Fall over slowly with feet on pegs. See sidestand mocking you.
154. Trying to ford a river because you see that there is a nice concrete surface on the bottom and the water is shallow without realising that said surface is covered with slimy algae. Dropping the bike in the water with the throttle jammed open, not finding the kill switch and letting the engine go way over the red line untill it stops by itself with noise of valves breaking and conrods bending.
155. Honda MB5 cafe' 1984. Brakestanding to finish off the last of the rear tyre , good fun, all spectators seem impressed. Sat bum down on seat before disengaging power. Full frontal impact with neighbors house within one second. Lesson one: Beer and bikes don't mix, no matter how small the bike. Lesson 2: Never sit down when brakestanding.
156. I dropped an 83 Kawasaki 750 Spectre (mint) while trying to carry a gallon of milk in a plastic bag hanging from my right wrist. I only had to go two blocks to get home. I decided to purchase the milk on a whim at the last minute. When I shifted into 2nd, the milk swung, the bike jack-knifed and both me and the milk were thrown about 20 feet. I was upset about dropping the bike, but didn't cry as the gallon of milk didn't spill (very bad pun).
157. Friend stalling bike many times I start to laugh friend finely gets going precedes to give me the finger while gooses it on soft dirt doing a 90 and pancakeing.
158. Riding into work one day a few years ago turned into the ally where I work it was raining a dog had pooped on the concrete where I park my bike right out side the factory steel doors I did not see the poop at 5mph I touched the front brake and slid on the poop and fell off. I went through the open steel door followed by my bike straight into my boss who was not very pleased.
159. Ride around at a rally with your helmet on your arm not your head. Don't realise 'till too late that this means it will jam between the bar and the tank if you try to turn in that direction.
160. Ride a bike with leading-link front suspension for the first time without a proper appreciation that jamming on the brake causes the front end to lift, not sit down. Complete rest of move lying flat-backwards on the saddle with your legs in the air.
161. Start your first driving lesson with instructor at local driving school, starting the Yamaha Diversion 600 as per instructions flawlessly, then hearing the instructor trying to explain something and quickly turning your head right to face him, suddenly loosing inner-ear balance due to quick motion and feeling the bike fall over to the right while you try to hold it upright in vain (no chance, not used to the weight). No damages, friend who was next in turn got a good laugh and the instructor got to give his "never face me when I'm talking or you'll lose balance" -speech.
162. Take a shortcut through a small back lot and hit a piece cynder block while half a dozen constuction workers see the whole show (good for them).
163. Putting the side stand down, then leaning the bike over so the side stand neatly goes into that small, but deep hole in the driveway. Do this with a BMW and you can't catch it.
164. Gas station forecourt, in the rain, where the gas tanker has dumped several gallons of diesel. Bye bye.
165. Riding a Tiger with girlfriend on the pillion, come to an intersection, turn right at 3mph in 2nd gear while pointing at the scenery with your left hand. Bike stalls, kicks itself over, throwing girlfriend on her hip. This has the triple disadvantages of the bike being bent, you feeling like a dick and the girlfriend reminding you of that fact every 30seconds for the next week.
166. Take a BMW R1150GS to the quad based offroad section of Bryant National Park. Be sure to tell the quad guys that's what you're going to do so they can tell you "I told you so" and laugh at you when they help you pick the bike out of the mud an hour after you dropped it in the middle of nowhere.
167. While drawing to a stop at a traffic light in LA, wave with your left hand to a gorgeous woman in a short skirt, then fall flat on your face in front of her. Lie in your own shame as she walks away laughing.
168. Find a nice chick in a bar and learn that she (too) has a bike. Next week agree on a date, go out riding and at a fuel stop ask if you can dry test her CBR600F. While stearing at her boobs and stepping on the bike knock the bike down with fuel cap still open. Not very impressive.
169. While showing off new ZX-12R to brother in-law. Discover to late that neighborhood kids left a 2x4 laying out from the shady side of a large pine tree. Lock up the rear and slide right, get traction then proceed to launch myself in the same direction. Brother in-law is no longer interested in motorcycles.
170. While taking a high speed corner, grab a little of that north west grease (Moss). Broken left color bone and a real nice divot in the left leg from shifter. Mother in-law kicks my ass at the ER.
171. Have the steering lock on with handlebars turned to the LHS, not realizing this I decided to push it back into the garage from the thick lawn. After a nice smooth left hand turn still not realizing my mistake I try and straighten up aiming for the open garage the result...me pushing my own bike over with me on top falling to my right plastic bit everywhere!
172. Parking on nice hard soil the night before the first rain of the wet season in Northern Territory Australia for 6 months!
173. After a sucessful track day, come home and try and unload your Yamaha R6 off the trailer by yourself. It "jumps" the piece of wood under the rear tire and painfully lays on the ground.
174. Banking sharply, made the hard left turn into driveway, not realizing "handyman Dad" had changed the oil in his car and spilled ? of it on the driveway surface and hadn't cleaned it up. My 2 month old Honda CX 500 Turbo immediately slid out from under me, accelerated (on it's side, of course) up the slope of the driveway at an impressive speed, and came to an abrupt halt with a sickening "crunch" sound as it hit the front of the house.
175. With the bike in the back of a pickup, remove the tie downs. With the tires in a groove and the stand on a ridge, any slight side to side movement will cause the bike to come crashing over the right side. Smashing the windscreen and cracking the fairing.
176. With the girlfriend as pillion trying to make a U-turn in a parking lot between two buildings, with the wind howling through and the slope of the lot I managed to launch said girlfriend 10 feet as the bike came crashing down.
177. Being so drunk that at a red light the bike fell to the left. To add insult to injury, trying to pick the bike up and dropping it back down on the right. All in the middle of closing time traffic. A cager was nice enough to hold it up as I rode away.(I don't drink anymore)
178. Running over a flattened stapler lying in the road while making a left turn into a parking lot at two miles an hour on your brand new bike.
179. Go on a weekend camping trip with two friends. Load all bikes with hard side bags. Try to sneak past friend's 87 CBR between the pumps at the gas station. Momentarily forget that both bikes have side bags on, misjudge passing distance and bump the left side bag on the CBR. Remember too late that the 87 CBR had those IDIOTIC spring-loaded side stands. CBR topples over to the left, taking your bike along with it. Lie sandwiched inbetween two Hondas and a mountain of Givi bags and feel like a total idiot. (Upside to this situation was discovering that this double bike spillage was en excellent [bad pun] pick-up situation [/bad pun] as it only took seconds for several tall, handsome men to race to the scene and pick up bikes and very embarrassed woman rider.
180. Try going way to fast into a blind curve only to have a truck in the curve hit his breaks after seeing you. You straighten the bike up and hit the brakes only to realize you are headed directly for the guardrail, so you try to lay the bike back over on a new line to slow down. After the back tire locked up. You needed help getting you and your bike from up under the guard rail.
181. Sitting on your bike to test out your new handlebars, forgeting that the stool its sitting on provides no balance what-so-ever, swiftly falling to the right, smacking face on nice hard concrete basement floor, standing bike up, then looking around to make sure no one saw your little adventure.
182. Doing doughnuts in an attempt to seem "eleet" fresh after a motocross win, dumping clutch in first on a fun 250 2-cycle, not realizing how much gas you have given, pulling unnecisary wheelie, heading towards crowd, cant hit back brake or pull in clutch fast enough, make new best friends with the small, young blonde boy standing a bit too close to the orange plastic fence

Copied and pasted from http://www.sportbikers.net/forums/showthread.php?t=2594
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W
good stuff Jester I didn't read the whole thing but #4 and #9 are the same.
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virtualmatrix258
lol that was a long read, but very inciteful. Thanks!
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J
haha did you read the whole thing?
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virtualmatrix258
To be honest I read til about #30 then just scanned through lol. Thats alot to read man ahaha
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J
Haha you gotta read the whole thing once you get your bike ahahaha don't wanna drop it
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virtualmatrix258
haha I dont have that kind of time! And I'm half drunk and everything is blurry!!
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N
#183: Get drunk on New Years Eve and attempt to ride your bike.
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J
Haha wait you didn't actually do that did you?
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N
haha, I realized after I wrote that, that it would seem that way. But no...I'm not that dumb.
:p
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S
Haha :D :D :D :D, I know that you're free Jester but never thing that you are that free. Time to back to school!!!! :-*
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spooph
Jester, good find....

To me it seems like 182 ways to not use your brain?

Most of them seemed to be a lack of common sense. Oh, and I proved 183 is false.... At least this turn of the year. Maybe next change of year again?

HAHAHA, Where's Zartan so she can give me a "talking to"...
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J
Well if you think about it dropping your bike in general is usually because you did something stupid.
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virtualmatrix258
hahaha #183 lol, now we pick on dumb people! GOD I LOVE THIS SITE!
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Racer X
#184 trying to push your 2 day old VFR 800 off the center stand with the kick stand down.
#185 trying to ride 500 lb VFR Honda home from work in an ICE storm.
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N
darkhorse said:
#184 trying to push your 2 day old VFR 800 off the center stand with the kick stand down.
Click to expand...
Haha...I dropped my bike in my gravel driveway yesterday trying to get it on my rear stand. I was just being sloppy and dumb. Broke my right turn signal and got some scratches...grrrr
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J
bummer
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zartan
spooph said:
HAHAHA, Where's Zartan so she can give me a "talking to"...
Click to expand...
listen here sonny....haha
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